Let’s say you want to purchase a new home, whether it’s your first home, you are downsizing, you are up-sizing or it’s an investment. Let’s say you want to sell a home for the very same reasons. What do you do first?
Well first of all, you contact a Realtor® and instantly receive guidance on a reasonable timeline of what to expect. Buyers will be advised to seek a lender. Sellers will be advised to do a pre-listing inspection. Generally, it’s that Realtor® that refers you to the resources you will be using during your transaction. And, you contacted the same Realtor® that you met or helped you in the past that has actually stayed in touch. If you don’t remember your Realtor®, then ask for a referral from your friends. Or, better yet, call me!
During the course of your search marketing period, this professional Realtor® made everything just right for you. Maybe not perfect, but always managed to make sure that your best interests were the most important. The phone calls, the emails, the text messages. The visits, the appointments, the conversations. Seriously, your Realtor® is who you are in touch with the most during the course of your business.
Now, it’s time for the closing. Yay! Everything worked out! You get to pack and move, finally! Don’t be daunted because your Realtor® even has some suggestions on where to get the best boxes and wrapping paper, who can actually come over to help you pack and refer you to the movers that are the most reliable. That Realtor® really does it all! At your signing, you leave the title company with elation. You shake hands with your Realtor® or perhaps exchange hugs since the relationship you formed went from business to friendship. Wow! You move, you unpack and you settle in.
But for your Realtor®, things are very different. It is as if the Realtor® broke up with a friend. Silence prevails. No more phone calls, no more emails, no more text messages and worse of all, no more communication. Silence prevails. No more high fives when something goes right. No more advice therapy from the driver’s seat. No more driving even! No more lunches! Oh, what is a Realtor® to do??
I have to tell you, at the end of a transaction it can be quite a downer. But thank goodness, what I really did was establish a new friendship or deepen an existing friendship. With friends, I stay in touch. I call, I text, and I stay in touch.
All is not lost but sometimes it feels that way! Do stay in touch, okay?
#realtor #realestate #newhome #friendship
Mama was on bedrest with her last two pregnancies, and even more so with you. I remember her laying on the couch before dinner, and Phillip and I would try to help Mom make dinner from the nearby kitchen. We could hear her give us directions from the living room, and we would look at each other with “what?” but get it done all the same. When Mom & Dad brought you home, we felt that you were the prettiest baby in the world. You really looked more like Mom than the rest of us. I know that because of Mom’s frail health, I bottle fed you and changed your diapers to help her. You were my real life baby doll. So, you see, even though I did not have children, in a way I did thanks to you.
I think you and I became closer when I had breast cancer 20 years ago. I appreciate that you came to visit me that week before my surgery. It was the first opportunity we had to spend time together as adults. We were always close but that particular week sealed the deal. After Mom and Dad passed away in 2006, all of us – you, Phil, and Frank have become closer. And, that is the best part of carrying on as a family.
You have had some real challenges and you have become a stronger woman for it. I don’t have to spill the beans here, but together we have helped each other, counseled each other, laughed at corny jokes and so much more. Listening to each other is what has framed us a women without a Mother to call.
Now you are embarking on a new journey in your life. What I want to convey to you is this: you can be nervous and you can be excited. Call it nervous excitement. Because if you were not nervous, you would not be who you are. If you were not excited, you would not be a loving person.
Buddha spoke of being in the present moment. Don’t worry about the past, don’t worry about the future. Just be present and life will gift you what is in store for you. Jesus spoke of being present in parables so that we won’t miss God’s presence. So why should you worry about what you don’t even know will happen?
Little Sister, I want so much for you to be happy again, to not be afraid to open your heart to love again, to take the step of trusting again, and to find what you truly deserve in a loving relationship. My best advice is to be a good listener, always try to understand the other person’s point of view and be honest.
I am here to tell you anything is possible if you let your heart give it a try. After all, I am doing the very same thing.
#carryon #lifelesson #love #sister
PS: Since we are on topic of siblings: Phil, I really am sorry for passing the salad dressing bottle with the lid barely on. (How old were we??) I thought you would pour the bottle on to your salad. But, no, you just had to shake the bottle! The stream of dressing in the air was the funniest prank I ever pulled on you. I still envision that in slow motion….Sorry, that memory came to mind and I just felt my readers needed the laugh.
It’s happening now and I am scared. Eight months after Paul died, I am wondering why and yet at the same time, wondering when. I would give anything to be able to talk to Paul and ask him what he wants me to do. However, in all honesty, I already know what he would want for me. That is the hard part, accepting that it just may be okay for me to live again. As if I stopped at all, but not in the way of opening my heart to possibilities.
I think this may be the most difficult thing for a person to do after the death of a loved one, no matter what the relationship was. When you love someone deeply, that never stops in your heart; that love never ceases to exist. But that love that you always felt would be there is all of the sudden no longer there physically, no longer there in the same emotional way. It is so bewildering. And yet, you have to accept the fact that this confusion is a part of the process for those left behind.
If you know me you know that no matter what, I wake up happy every day. I have that first thing in the morning happiness that has given me the strength to carry on since Paul died. It was not easy. Some mornings I did not even want to get out of bed, I did not want to have to pack and move, I did not want to even go to work. But my sweet dog needed his daily hike/run, I needed to find my own space again, and my career seemed to have taken me to a place of contentment again. All in due time.
As for the possibility of living and loving again, I have come to finally accept that there are no accidents in life. These accidents may also have a challenge assigned to them. For me, the challenge is to be a respectful listener, to practice better understanding, to have a deeper compassion and to love again.
There are no accidents in life. I met and loved Paul for a reason. Paul taught me one of my most cherished life lessons: he taught me true, unconditional love. Thank you, Paul for the most beautiful lesson of life.
I want that again.
#grief #lifelesson #possibility #noaccidentsinlife
Getting it right in life, what does that really mean? For me, life can be as simple and pure by just being happy and grateful. I watch others complicate their lives by thinking they have to have “it”? What is “it” anyway?
I must be experiencing a coming of age at this point in my life, because now I don’t want anything that will not fit in my tiny house. I am tired of the “it” and “things” that no longer work for me. I am finding people to give items away to in order to make room for more space. Not space to fill up but space for space. For instance, I have no intention of moving for some time. I have furniture and things that I love, but they will not fit in this tiny house. Why should these things gather dust in my garage? I sold a home to a first time homebuyer and many of those “things” are finding their way to her new home. Win-win.
Since moving in to this tiny house, I have also been anxious to make small equal less. I am finding that some items I no longer use are better suited for my friends that admired them in the past. Why not? Give is receiving, right?
I am living in a neighborhood in transition, as many other neighborhoods are in the Treasure Valley. Here, there are some nice homes, some cottages, some weary looking rentals and even some mobile homes. We all have something in common, no matter what our incomes are: we have a roof over our heads. We have a place we call home.
My little home has what I want: a cozy atmosphere, the feeling of safety, great yard for my dog Zeke, and the Boise River greenbelt system out my front door. For me, this is “it”. This is my new home.
My new tiny house is just right for me, this time around.
#growing #healing #tinyhouse #gifts
As many of you know, so much has taken place in my life the past year. Love, joy, happiness, peace, to death, grief, trauma, followed by counseling which lead to understanding, forgiveness, letting go, and on to healing. Everything else seemed to crop up in-between. Life is that journey and mine has been quite a ride. I have to say that from all of this, I have grown to expect the unexpected. And I love it!
I have decided this will be the year of Yes for me. Yes I will go to every Idaho Shakespeare play this summer. Yes I will go to this or that concert. Yes I will take that weekend trip getaway but mind you, my dog Zeke has to tag along! Yes I will make plans and Yes I will do spontaneous things. When I think of you, Yes I will grab my phone and call you.
The unexpected is what has come from saying Yes. I moved to a neighborhood and have been blessed to meet new people from all walks of life. My new friends blend with my friends that are my Idaho family. Just watching their interaction is as joyful as watching a really good movie. I have a broad smile on my face as I listen to their conversation and laughter. That smile is one of those deep down feelings of the blessing of loving friendships.
Saying Yes had led me to experience life the same as I did before, but somehow things seem richer. Richer experiences, richer laughter, richer appreciation. Like an Instagram photo in technicolor. Maybe richer is not the right word, but I feel things deeper now. I appreciate things to an extent I did not before. I smile out loud, if you know what I mean. I did not expect such joy in my life again so soon.
The unexpected is the life lesson that continues for me. A friend once told me, “You never stop learning”. Amen to that. I have always held that in my heart, knowing that no matter what, there was a lesson to be had. With those lessons I have found the silver lining and moved on.
So, today I welcome the unexpected. Stay tuned.
#grief #lifelesson #JustSayYes
What is the meaning of a “monkey on your shoulder” or a “monkey on your back”? You know, the monkey that doesn’t exactly give you good advice? I looked it up, I just had to! Believe it or not, there are many interpretations and explanations, but essentially the monkey is a carrying a burden or problem that is a major source of irritation. My monkey just happens to be a squirrel.
It all started and ended with a dream on Friday morning. Bear with me, I have very vivid dreams and this one is no exception. In my dream, I had a squirrel for a pet. A real, live squirrel. This squirrel went everywhere with me: work, shopping, hiking, driving, you name it. I even had a sock purse with an over the shoulder strap. The purse had openings for its tail and legs, and at the top opening its cute little head peered out to give me great joy. But as the dream advanced I began to learn that the squirrel was becoming a real problem when it came to access to some places I wanted to be at.
“No, sorry, no squirrels allowed”. Or, “You can’t bring that squirrel in here!” Better yet, “Really, lady, a squirrel??” Oh dear, my squirrel was no longer welcome. Heavy sigh.
Next, I found myself at Fred Meyer which is just plain odd since the nearest store to me is not convenient and I do not frequent the store often enough to have a scene in this dream. My squirrel and I went from aisle to aisle and the little creature kept angling towards the windows and doors. I soon came to the realization that the squirrel wanted to be free. We said our goodbyes, and the next time the automatic door opened, the squirrel scampered out. Goodbye my squirrel!
Then I woke up in laughter, out loud laughter mind you. I realized immediately what the dream meant. That silly dream helped me to realize I needed to release emotions that had become a burden, that source of irritation. I decided it was high time to let those emotions go and in the process, I had a fantastic day. It did help that it was a Friday. Best of all, problem gone! Squirrel aka Monkey found someone else to pester.
I also told myself it was okay that I took the week to process the squirrel/monkey on my shoulder. It was something I just had to work through. I managed to reach the other side of reasoning and the result was inner peace, free of the struggle that was going on inside of me. I like that I had this lesson come my way, and with the help of a squirrel for humor.
I kind of miss that squirrel, though. It was so darn cute!
#grielf #monkeyonmyback #lifelesson
This past weekend was the Celebration of Life for Paul, and it all went perfectly! Paul’s brother and two sisters flew in from different corners of the country as well as friends from college and friends he went to baseball camps or spring training that he kept in touch with. To me, this is the evidence to the kind of man he was, a man that was not only well loved but well respected. I really was one lucky girl to have been loved by such a wonderful man.
I don’t know if you read his obituary, but we wrote that he loved reading the New Yorker magazine. I honestly think he may have loved the cartoons the best! Paul’s daughters had numerous cartoons that he has saved fastened on a strings across empty distressed window frames, just about the most unique display I have ever seen. Everyone present enjoyed these as well as other tributes we had on display.
I particularly appreciated Paul’s former patients that expressed their sorrow for losing the best physician they had ever had. Story after story about how they would not even be alive if it were not for the care he gave to that person. One particular patient told me that his Mother was Paul’s feistiest patient. I doubt that because she was just so darn sweet to me. Looks can be deceiving though….Then the funny stories, oh my how we laughed! We all miss Paul Ryan deeply.
On Sunday, I spent the day organizing my new place, the garage and starting a few boxes for donating. I was feeling sad not because of missing Paul, but because I was giving myself permission for the next step or chapter I will be undertaking. Having the Celebration of Life was and is a big step in that direction. I am not quite sure about where that path leads. I also realized that with this new journey, I am not going to ask God any questions about what if. I am just going to have to find out what lies ahead.
That darn crystal ball clearly will not talk to me. Just as well.
“Someone said that “Life is the art of drawing without an eraser.” And above all don’t imagine that the story is over. Life has a lot of chapters.” – John Gardner, 1990
#grief #celebrationoflife #lifejourney