They Say Grief Comes in Waves & Mine Are 20 Footers

IMG_2051
not quite getting in the 20′ but at the edge
Just when I thought – key word here: thought – I was doing “better”, along comes a 20 foot wave. I must have needed a good mega cry because today I am better. What a relief!

In a grief group I attended after Paul died, we discussed that grief come in waves and often times when we least expect it. This weekend I attended a dinner party in Ketchum with many Boise friends for company. One particular couple present are friends with Paul’s ex-wife. When I reminded her of who I was, she literally and physically was taken aback (she did not recognize me). Her response took me aback as well. I took numerous deep breaths and carried on. And, as I left the dinner, I stopped to thank her for being gracious to me. She may never know how much her kindness meant to me. As I walked out of the clubhouse, I broke down in a total mess, in crocodile tears. Thank goodness I wear waterproof mascara. 🙂

Paul’s Celebration of Life is in a few weeks, and I am looking forward to catching up with many friends of his that were also his patients. I am excited to be surrounded by all the love that came my way after Paul died so unexpectedly last Fall. But, to be honest, I am also in fear of his ex-wife being present. Oh Lord, please help me because I honestly don’t know what to do or how to act.

What would you do in my shoes? She was bitterly unkind to me after Paul died and her actions added to my trauma. However, in the time that has passed, I learned and eventually came to understand what may have been her pain and sorrow. This led me to eventually let go of my anger towards her and forgive her. But dealing with her is another thing altogether.

I have decided I am going to contact her and concede that we may be uncomfortable at the Celebration.

But I want to be comfortable and the only way to do so is to reach out.

#grief #forgiveness #understanding #lettinggo

 

 

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