I had an entire blog post written for today. But the events of this past weekend turned me upside down and all around. I just could not press the send button. No way, no how. Honestly, I did not have the energy.
As it was, I wrote about how friends and friendships are critical when one is faced with a cancer diagnosis and subsequent loss of a loved one. Often times, we have the time to say our goodbyes. For those in the position as I was in, with sudden death, that time could have been a life luxury. Some of us do not get that “time”. Some do.
But loss from death has no boundaries, no parameters. Loss has many hats: my first life loss was a cancer diagnosis, and 20 years later the most devastating was the sudden loss of a man I loved and who loved me back.
As fate would have it with life lessons, I was reminded this weekend that friends, family and friendships are indispensable in any time of crisis, the most being the trauma of sudden death.
Death. Divorce. Breakup. Job Loss. Accident. Cancer Diagnosis. Life threatening Illness diagnosis. Illness diagnosis. You get the picture. These all wear the hat of stress for a person, a friend, a family member.
When I first moved to Boise, I met a woman who lost her only daughter to a car accident. She taught me years ago that what meant the most to her were the occasional cards she received months after the memorial, over the next year. Her story made a profound difference on how I looked at the pain of death. I have since learned that one cannot frame the trauma of death in a single word or phrase. One cannot describe how deep the pain is either. Some cannot even begin to tell you what is wrong despite the fact you yourself see the pain in their eyes. Sometimes just hand holding or a card takes the pain away momentarily.
However, one can lend a hand with one caveat: you have to mean what you say. I wrote about say what you mean and mean what you say a few months after Paul died.
Today I’m reminding you to do just that.
#grief #grieving #friendshipsmatter